Happy 16 wks! Happy New 2012! And Happy Birthday to me!!

Well, I've made it to 16wks and 34 years of age! :-)  I'm ready for a New Year and New Beginnings.  2012 already holds such joy and excitement in store for me and my family, with the birth of our newest addition joining our fam in just 5 short months.  I am now in the 2ww (again!), but this time looking forward to knowing whether I have a little he or she growing in my belly.  I'll know in 2 weeks!  Can't wait!  I've been feeling more "flutters"/baby movements the past few days, still very light but present.  Looking forward to the days when I can feel my little sweetie all the time.  I enjoyed a wonderful birthday dinner with my precious family tonight at Outback Steakhouse...good grub! 

Here's me and my handsome men

Scooter surprised me with some of my fave Godiva chocolates and special birthday dessert at the restaurant, where they all sang "Happy Birthday" to me....Love my Family!

Me and my honey, baby included :-)

And here's what's going on with baby this week....

How your baby's growing:

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

16w1d

15 weeks already?!

I can't believe I'm already 15 weeks!  I'm SO thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me and my baby with safety and perfect health this pregnancy and I'm fully confident He Will contine to be with us, watching over us, every step of the way.  I'm feeling pretty good lately, at least better than I was in the first trimester.  Morning sickness still sneaks up on me from time to time, but it's slowly fading away...whew!  I'm also very relieved my heartburn hasn't been as bad either, which has opened up more opportunity for me to really eat as much as I want.  I crave just about anything that pops into my head.  The old wives' tales say: when you're pg with a girl you will crave sweets and salty foods with a boy, but I crave it all!  I have noticed I am carrying higher up and I've never carried like that before with any of my boys, which they also say is the sign of a girl.  AND the baby's HB has been very high, also a sign of a girl.  So, I'm really starting to think I may be finally having my girl!  I'm too excited and can't wait to find out!  Boy or Girl, I can't wait to cradle my baby in my arms and kiss their little lips.  I love rubbing and carressing my belly in front of Scott...haha.  He tells me, "Savor the Flavor"...lol.  But, I would Love to have more in the future, if it's Father's Will.  I just love having this little life form within me, such a miracle, I'm cherishing every minute.  I have felt baby flutters ever since about 11wks., about 1-2 times a week, so not very often and the movements are not very strong yet, feels like bubbles.  I'm sure the times of quickening will be increasing now that I'm into my 15th wk and I'm so looking forward to when I can feel him/her on a daily basis.  Right now my doppler brings me comfort that baby is doing well and my ever growing bump.
I have some very exciting days coming up in Jan.  Jan. 15th my good friend, Misty is having her baby shower, she's due with her first little boy in March.  Then, the next day on the 16th is my 2nd visit with the Perinatologist, I'll be 18wks so we WILL be finding out if our little baby is a He or a She!!  Of course, Scott and the boys will be with me AND my mom and stepdad are planning on coming into town too, I couldn't be happier!!  I have some cute ideas for announcement pics for the gender.  Then the following day, the 17th, I have my 4th Prenatal appt with Dr. Allison.  I'm not sure if she's going to want to do her own Anatomy scan or just go off of Dr. Miller's, so I'm not sure how that appt will go.  So, I have some fun and exciting times coming up!: My Birthday, my son's birthday, baby showers, Dr. appts, weddings, family visits...yay! 
Unbenouced to anyone else I'm already planning my own baby shower, because I'm gonna need one!  I've been making out my guest list and I may start looking into locations.  I'm pretty sure my mom will be willing to help/head this up with the help of some of my friends.  So, it won't be a surprise, but I don't care, I need to prepare.

This is how baby is doing now.....

How your baby's growing:

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")

Prenatal Visit

My 3rd Prenatal visit went well today, short and sweet.  I had my vitals checked, urine sample, blood draw (to check my antibody level), and was able to hear the heartbeat with the doppler.  A beautiful rate of 165 bpm.  The nurse even commented, "Ooo, it's racing" (referring to the rate).  They gave me a form to look over for next time, it's for a blood screening test where they check the baby for abnormalities such as downs, spinabifida, etc.  The test is optional and the results are not always accurate, they can give false positives or negatives, which I don't like.  I'm thinking I will forego this test, because I don't feel it's necessary, especially in my situation.  I'm already seeing a Perinatologist and if the test were to come back abnormal I'd just be referred to him, so I feel confident since I'm already seeing him on a monthly basis, if anything ever appears abnormal he'll pick it up anyway.

I was able to share with my doctor about this extremely horrible headache I've been having since yesterday.  I told her I've taken Tylenol and nothing is helping.  She said I could take two Tylenol at a time instead of one and she asked me I'd had any caffeine.  Usually in pregnancy you should steer clear from caffeine, so I told her I hadn't had any since a small decaf coffee out with a friend last night.  She then advised to me to have some caffeine, to my surprise.  She said it can help with headaches.  So, doctors orders today was, "Go home, take two Tylenol, drink a cup of coffee, and lay down and take a nap"....lol.

My next appt will be in 4wks. on the 17th, the day after I see my Perinatologist for the second time, so that will be a busy week.

Good Check Up!

14weeks belly shot...

14 wks and growing strong!

Thankfully the weeks seem to be flying by!  Unfortunately, my nausea, heartburn and constant constipation isn't.  I thinking any day, now that I'm in my 2nd Tri., I will start feeling better, like my normal self again....hoping anyway.  I succeeded in finishing up a semester of college and did very well!  Two more classes under my belt, but a long way to go.  I'm hoping it won't be too long after the baby, I'll be able to get back to taking some online classes again.  I'm not giving up on my goals, just taking a time out to fulfill my dream of having another baby.  I still can't believe I'll have another one and only 6mths from now!  I have so much to do to prepare, but am waiting to find out the gender before I start buying stuff.  In just 4 short weeks we'll know for sure....a Boy OR a Girl!!  I can't wait!  I go in for my 3rd prenatal visit this coming Tues., I'll be 14wk4d.  I doubt I will be getting an u/s but def. doing some blood work and regular check up stuff.  It SO much easier to find baby's heartbeat with my Doppler now, I usually pick it up right away and it's louder too.  Love hearing that sound.  My belly's getting bigger and people are starting to notice and ask.  I'll have to take a new pic soon.  Will update more later, but here's what's going on with baby this week:

How your baby's growing:

This week's big developments: Your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.
In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active.

13 weeks 3 days pics of babe

1st Perinatologist vist today

So, I went in for my first visit with the Perinatologist today.  They commented more than once how beautiful and perfect baby looked and was measuring...yay!.  It's always amazes me to be able to see my LO in utero, kicking and waving.  My youngest said the baby looked gross...lol..said it looked like a skeleton.  So, I had to explain why.  HB good at 169 bpm.  They did a VERY thorough scan and checked all the organs and parts and took measurements, so it took a awhile.  The Dr. came in and looked awhile also.  He said the name of what I am dealing with is called "Duffy A".  Good news is, since I've had my last baby (10yrs ago), they've come up with better ways of testing.  Instead of the Amniocentesis, they can now look at the blood flow in baby's head, through u/s, to help determine whether baby's red blood cells are being affected negatively.  But, it's still a little too early to do this.  If worst comes to worst and baby needs help they will do an intrauterine blood transfusion.  But, hopefully, it will never get to that point.  My next appt is in 4wks and the next steps are to: 1. Have my DH come and give a blood sample.  The dr. believes the antigen could likely be coming from DH, so they will test him for it.  If one strein shows up that's no biggie, if two streins show up that could be more of a potential problem, so they really need to rule him out.  2. They also will be getting all my medical records from the hospital where I had my last DS, so they can look over every detail of what happened last time and that will provide them with much more info. and direction.  Sooooo,,,,,looks like Jan 16th will the day I find out what I'm having!!  I'll be in my 18th wk.
This is all still pretty confusing and I wish I could explain it better, but I don't fully understand it all myself.  I guess I'll get a better understanding as I go through it.  But, the main thing is baby is doing beautifully and doesn't seem to be phased by any of this.

My little "shrimp" is growing!

How your baby's growing:

Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, her veins and organs are clearly visible through her still-thin skin, and her body is starting to catch up with her head — which makes up just a third of her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce.

12 week check in..

12 weeks finds me dealing with a cold...yuck...sneezing, stuffy nose, post nasal drip and itchy throat...total grossness.  Baby's doing well though and that's all the matters.  Hopefully, this cold will pass quickly.  My belly's starting to pop out a little bit more now, so I'm hoping to go do a little maternity clothes shopping this weekend.

Good news, my nurse called me with the second blood results testing the Antibody in my blood.  The results how that it has remain stabilized, which is good.  If baby has done well with this level, it should not affect baby in the future.  They will continue to test the levels once a month to keep an eye on it.  My first appt. with the Perintologist is in 10 days, so hopefully I'll get a better understanding of what all this means, I may even get to see my little babe again.

12 Weeks!! My little lime :-)

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.
Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

The Announcement has been made!!

It was a beautiful and exciting Thanksgiving Day!  An exciting day because I would finally be sharing with all of my dearest friends and family my sweet secret!  I'm really proud of myself for maintaining my secret for as long as I did (1 day shy of 11wks)!  I was so nervous at the beginning of the pregnancy and couldn't bare going through another mc in front of everyone.  I'm glad I waited and most of all I'm glad this pregnancy has continued on and has been a very strong and healthy one.  Thankful for answered prayers!!  A select few already knew, but the majority did not.  I was waiting til Thanksgiving so we could tell DH's family in person.  I wasn't sure how I was going to break the news, just figured I'd let it happen however it was supposed to happen.  But, I did have plans to take some "Announcement" pics later that day.  Pics that would say it all!  As soon as we got in my FIL's house, he started showing me his new liquor and wondering what I wanted to drink.  At first, I just nonchalantly mentioned I was good with water and did not want anything else.  But, he continued making comments about drinking, which we usually enjoy to do when we're together, so I knew I had to just come out with it already.  I shared the news and everyone was surprised, but happy.  Thankfully, I haven't been met with any negativity this pregnancy, like in the past.  We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our family.  Then it was out to the porch to take our special pics....

Announcement Pic #1

# 4 Joining The Crew in June!

Announcement Pic #2

Our Little June Bug!



I uploaded our pics to FB and my family web page as soon as we got home, then the word was OUT!

We've received so much love and excitement from everyone.  It feels good to finally have so many to share my joy with!

11 weeks!

How your baby's growing:

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.
She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

2nd Appt Update!

Appt Update!
All looks great with my little one!  HB nice and high at 183bpm and moving all around, it actually made us all laugh, including the tech, she was like wow look how cute!  Measuring right on target and growing strong! YAY!


One minor issue though with me.  They noticed in my bloodwork that I have certain Antibodies in my red blood cells and if the baby doesn't have these my body may see the baby as a potential harm.  It's worse than it sounds, and I really don't know how to explain it all that well cause it's still kinda of confusing for me.  But, I had this same situation with Jared during my last pregnancy.  And so it will most likely be the same experience.  I have been referred to a high risk specialist called a Perinatologist (sp?).  He will monitor both me and baby closely and make sure we continue to do well.  I will also be seeing my OB as well.  She took another blood sample today to see if the antibodies has increased or are remaining stabilized.  The worst this could do to baby is cause it to be anemic or in the worst case need a blood transfusion, but she doubts it will get that serious.  All I can do is pray that it won't.  She said it was good that I had this same issue with my last son and this isn't a new problem.  So, I'm confident I'm in good hands and all will be well.  The bright side is I'll get lots of extra u/s's.. :-)  Although, I had this issue with my last pregnancy, it never interfered with my baby, so hopefully this will just go the same. I meet with my specialist on Dec. 12th and again with my doc for my next appt. on the 20th. Oh, and good news the cysts on my ovaries are dissolving! whew!

Belly pic!

Okay, here's a belly pic at 10weeks.  There's really not much there, but we have to start the progression somewhere...

Currently, still dealing with nausea and regular overall blah-ness.  Picking up the heartbeat easier these days...baby's growing!  I'm so excited because I have my 2nd appt. tomorrow @ 3:30pm, so BIG update coming!!  Hopefully new u/s pics too!

Double Digits!!

How your baby's growing:

Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.
He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.
If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.
In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

Just heard my baby's heartbeat!!!

YAY! I'm so excited! At 9w2d, I just heard baby's heartbeat with my fetal doppler!!  I've tried a few times since purchasing the doppler, but today I had success!  Oh how sweet the sound!  Hearing those fast little thumps is the most reassuring sound ever!  My sweet little angel, I can't wait to hold him/her!!!

Happy 9 wks to me!

Getting closer and closer to wk 13...the 2nd Trimester!  I'm really looking forward to being out of the first trimester, where everything is new, little, fragile, scary, sicky.  The 2nd trimester is way more fun, when you can actually see the evidence of a little person in your belly and eventually feel them!  I've been nauseous now since week 7, which is why I haven't felt up to getting on the computer much.  All I want to do right now is lay down and try not to hurl.  Hopefully the ickiness will be ending soon, there's so much I want to do and need my energy back to do it.  *Update* on the VBAC Dr., met with her yesterday and really liked her, very sweet.  She would have been more than willing to let me try for a VBAC had a couple of things gone differently in my previous c/s's.  For one, Dr. Keith (my dr. for Joel and Jared) only used 1 row of stitching, when he should've used 2 to help make my uterus stronger for subsequent pregnancies. Thanks, Dr. Samuels!  And second, when I had hemorrhaged after the delivery of Jared, they used clamps on the two main arteries that go to the uterus, which only weakens the uterus further.  So, with all that compounded to my case and the higher risk of another hemorrhage, my dream of a natural birth does not appear will become a reality.  :-(  I am disappointed, but at peace.  My life and my faith is in the Father's Hands, I know He knows what's best for me.  And really, as long as me and baby come out of this perfectly fine and healthy than that's all I could ask for. 
On a happier note, only 10 more days till I get to sneak another peek into my womb and see my honeybun!  I purchased a fetal Doppler online, but at only 9 wks I haven't been able to pick up a heartbeat yet, but that's okay it's still really early.  They really don't even recommend trying until 10-12wks.  But, I'll keep trying.  Still feeling pretty bloated in the abdomen area, but don't really see that I"m showing yet.  Ugh...gotta go lay down now. :-)

9 weeks along...

How your baby's growing:

Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

What's going on in there this week...

 

WEEK: 8

How your baby's growing:

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

8wks already!

So thankful these early weeks seem to be going by fast.  I don't really like the 1st trimester, can't visibly see or feel the baby yet, just a bunch of funky symptoms.  The 8th weeks has brought along some mild nausea with it, which is making me feel pretty icky...just praying it doesn't get worse.  Good news is...I'm more than halfway through the 1st tri.  I really looking forward to my next appt..less than 3 wks away now...I can't wait to see my little sweetie again!  Thanksgiving will be a couple of days later and we'll start sharing our exciting news with more family and friends...that will be fun. 

Just so relived this pregnancy has gone so well...definitely an answered prayer.  Each day that passes fills me with more and more excitement that one day soon I'll finally get to cuddle my rainbow baby!

Oh yeah, this coming week I have my consultation with the "Pro-VBAC" Dr...Dr. Lap at Touro.  That appt will be the deciding factor as to whether I will be having another scheduled C-section or will have another dream come true of being allowed the opportunity to birth my baby naturally.  Keeping hope alive and Always believing in the impossible!

7 wks already...time is flying by!

How your baby's growing:

The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.
If you could see inside your womb, you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of your baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body.
See what's going on in your uterus this week.

1st Prenatal Visit went FAB! @ 6w4d

I'm so happy, I got to see my little butter bean again today...looking great, nice and healthy and strong with a HB of 130bpm!  I had a regular first check up: Blood work (6 vials..yuck); pelvic exam; pap smear; breast exam; weight check; blood pressure; urinalysis, and the ultrasound.  I love my doctor's office u/s room and the tech is the sweetest!  Scott and the boys went with me and were all able to go into the u/s room and see the baby on the big screen!  She took her time and pointed everything out to them, we got to hear the HB, then she printed each of the boys out their own pic of the baby. Awwww.... *smile*. 
The doctor said she was just going to keep an eye on my cysts for now.  She said most times pre-existing cysts will "balloon" during pregnancy then go away on their own.  The smaller cyst on my right had actually gone down some and the bigger one looked the same.  I go back in 4 wks, I'll be 10wks then, and I'll get another u/s (YAY!).  I should be able to hear the heartbeat with the fetal Doppler as well.  I'm thinking about renting my own too, so I can listen anytime I want.  They do those really cool 3 & 4D u/s at my doc's office but they're like $225 extra...so don't know about that, but that would be really cool! 
I'm so glad my appt went well today and my little Rainbow is growing!

BABY'S FIRST PHOTO SHOOT



Little Scare

Why oh Why do I always have to get the crap scared out of me when I'm PG?!  I went out with a friend last night to a homeschooling event and got home around 10pm.  I went to the bathroom and noticed some light brown spotting in my underwear and again when I wiped.  With the fear of the MC still lingering I figured I better be safe than sorry and go get myself checked out.  So, around 10pm me, Scott and the boys piled into the car and heading to EJ Hospital Emergency room.  They took a blood and urine sample, and also did a pelvic exam.  The attending ER doc, said everything appeared to look okay, he saw no red blood.  Afterwards, I had a transvaginal u/s in which I was able to see my little sweetie's heartbeat for the first time *smile**tear*.  The baby looked great and measured right on time around 6wks3days with an EDD of June 13th, with a heartbeat of 129. The u/s tech checked everything else out in there and noticed a nice size (about 3cm) cyst on my left ovary, which she said was normal and most likely the corpus luteum from the pregnancy.  She wasn't able to view the right ovary, so she switched to the regular, on top of the stomach u/s probe.  She was able to find a very large cyst on that ovary.  Back in Feb. when I had a hospital stay for horrible pain in my abdomen, they did a CAT scan in which they saw the same cyst but at that time it only measured about 4cm.  Normally, they do not like to see a cyst get over 5cm.  My doc and I both assumed, and hoped, it would resolve itself like most cysts do.  Well, that same cyst has increased in size to 5.5cm.  I was discharged shortly after with orders for bed rest and to follow up with my doctor.  My dear family ended up trying to sleep in the car in the parking lot and we ended up finally getting home around 3am.  I have not had any cramping at all, and the spotting has seemed to lighten up even more, to barely even visible.  All appears to be well as of right now...little to know spotting (brown blood at that), no cramping or pain, baby looks good and strong.  So, thank Father!  Now, I just have to hope and pray this cyst issue will be resolved quickly and easily and will not affect my pregnancy in any harmful way.  I have my first Prenatal appt. this Tues, but will be calling my nurse Monday to alert her of everything that has gone on.  AFM, I will be bed bound the rest of the weekend and will continue to be praying for a very healthy and strong pregnancy.  Hopefully this first trimester will go by very quickly and no more scary situations will arise!
P.S. We had to tell the boys last night that "Mommy has a baby in her belly", before we left to got to the hospital so they could understand what was going on.  They are really excited.  We prayed together before we left and were relieved to hear the good news that baby looks good.  They were real troopers at the hospital and waited for me very patiently.  I love my boys, they are such a blessing!

What my little sweetie looks like right now...

How your baby's growing:

This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil.

I'm 6 wks!!

I still can't believe I'm even expecting and with every week that passes it becomes more and more real!  I'm so unbelievably happy!  This weekend couldn't come fast enough, now I just need to get through it and on to Tues!  It's been torture keeping this secret from my mom and my kids, so I can't wait to tell them after my appt.!  More to come.....

5wks. 3days today...

Just wanted to touch base, but not much to report.  I'm surprised I haven't had the usual symptoms I've experienced with my other pregnancies.  No sickness, No frequent urination, etc.  Not complaining though, especially on the sickness, but it is still fairly early on so I'm not writing it off yet.  My main symptom has been sore boobs, and that's predominantly in the evening and during the night.  I still feel little pains and things in my uterus, but I know there's a lot going on in there. :-)  I can say I've had constipation as well...if coffee's not doing the trick I have to be PG!...lol.  Still very low energy and it takes alot out of me to do a little, so I haven't been doing a whole lot, at least not at one time.  I can be very emotional from one end of the spectrum to the other and tear up at the littlest things.  I've been craving Mexican more than normal and treated myself to dinner for one at my local Mexican restaurant the other night!  It was SO good!  I'm counting the days down to my first appt and can't wait to get a peek at my little one!  8 more days to go!  I'm trying really hard to stay in a positive frame of mind and am expecting to see my baby in the perfect nestled spot with a rapid little heartbeat.  <3

5 wks. Today!

How your baby's growing:

Deep in your uterus your embryo is growing at a furious pace. At this point, he's about the size of a sesame seed, and he looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human. He's now made up of three layers — the ectoderm, the mesoderm, and the endoderm — which will later form all of his organs and tissues.
The neural tube — from which your baby's brain, spinal cord, nerves, and backbone will sprout — is starting to develop in the top layer, called the ectoderm. This layer will also give rise to his skin, hair, nails, mammary and sweat glands, and tooth enamel.
His heart and circulatory system begin to form in the middle layer, or mesoderm. (This week, in fact, his tiny heart begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood.) The mesoderm will also form your baby's muscles, cartilage, bone, and subcutaneous (under skin) tissue.
The third layer, or endoderm, will house his lungs, intestines, and rudimentary urinary system, as well as his thyroid, liver, and pancreas. In the meantime, the primitive placenta and umbilical cord, which deliver nourishment and oxygen to your baby, are already on the job.

1st Prenatal Appt. Scheduled!

Shelia, my Dr's nurse just called again, she said Dr. Allison looked over my numbers and thinks they look good.  Before I had found out about the pregnancy I had scheduled my Annual Pap for Oct. 25th.  She said to go ahead and keep that appointment and it will be my first Prenatal visit.  I will be about 6 1/2 weeks at that point.  So, I should be able to see my little bean on TV for the first time!  So excited! 15 days and counting!

2nd Hcg Results...

Well, It appears to be good news and evidence that my babe is growing rapidly!  Here's the low down:

1st test @ 11dpo (3wks. 5days) : 100
2nd test @ 13dpo (4wks)          :  325

The Hcg level should double every 2 days and mine over tripled!  Whew! *major sigh of relief*

I'm supposed to be hearing back from my doc this afternoon to hear what the next step will be.

So, far, not much in the way of symptoms, just low energy and sore boobs (still).  Had another temp rise today, so temps look nice and high.  Praying my little rainbow continues to grow strong and healthy!  Oh So Thankful!

Today I am 4wks.1day!

Your pregnancy: 4 weeks 

 

How your baby's growing:

This week marks the beginning of the embryonic period. From now until 10 weeks, all of your baby's organs will begin to develop and some will even begin to function. As a result, this is the time when she'll be most vulnerable to anything that might interfere with her development.
Right now your baby is an embryo the size of a poppy seed, consisting of two layers: the epiblast and the hypoblast, from which all of her organs and body parts will develop.
The primitive placenta is also made up of two layers at this point. Its cells are tunneling into the lining of your uterus, creating spaces for your blood to flow so that the developed placenta will be able to provide nutrients and oxygen to your growing baby when it starts to function at the end of this week.
Also present now are the amniotic sac, which will house your baby; the amniotic fluid, which will cushion her as she grows; and the yolk sac, which produces your baby's red blood cells and helps deliver nutrients to her until the placenta has developed and is ready to take over this duty.

DH received the good news last night!

My plans to wait and tell DH went up in smoke last night when he finagled the news outta me. :-(  As you know, I'm really nervous this go round, so I'm really not wanting to "rock the boat" so to speak right now *clears throat..sex*.  I knew me not wanting to oblige would eventually be a problem and send up a red flag for him.  Well, last night the conversation came around and I had to fess up, he knew something was up.  Of, course I got the same ole reaction I've gotten in the past with all my baby news...SHOCK.  But, he wasn't upset, he was surprised I'd been keeping it from him and wanted to know all the details he'd missed.  We joked about it being a girl and his comment was, "That would be a whole new ballgame" And he's right about that.  lol... I am a little disappointed I couldn't share the news in the special way I had planned, but I am relieved that now he knows and he'll be able to understand why I've been so tired and why I don't want to DTD right now.  I'm still going to wait to share the news with everyone else, for a while, and I'll still get my kicks telling them. :-)

Can't believe I have a little baby in my belly!! I'm so happy! 

1st Lab results

Just got a call from Shelia.  She said my Progesterone levels are "excellent" (25.1 whatever that means), she she wants me to go down to one Prometrium a day instead of two, which will work out perfectly!  I can take it at night, when it's okay to be sleep and my half filled prescription will last me double as long.  See, it always works out!  And, she said my hcg levels look just fine for being so early in my pregnancy, they are currently at 100.  She wants me to go back to the lab tomorrow and give another sample so they can make sure it's rising and progressing properly.  The sucky part is, tomorrow is Friday, so I won't no anything until Monday, but I'm confident that my numbers will look great.  FYI: They are supposed to double every day, so by tomorrow they should at least be in the 200's. So, once I hear back again from Shelia on Monday, I guess she'll inform me of the next step and when Dr. Allison will see me.  I'm so happy with the news so far, every bit of good results just builds my confidence more and more with the pregnancy.  Thank you, Abba!

Still Pregnant!

Hahaha...it still doesn't seem real!  Yesterday I went to the Lab to get my blood drawn for my doctor and am expecting to hear back from her office today.  She may want me to go back tomorrow morning and give a second sample to make sure my levels are doubling properly.  I have a really good feeling this time and believe with all my heart...this pregnancy will go along perfectly.  I was surprised to get a call from her nurse, Shelia, yesterday afternoon.  She was calling to ask me for my pharmacy info, so she could call me in some Progesterone.  I told her I thought Dr. Allison was going to wait until after she saw my blood results, but she said, No, she just wanted me to go give the sample first, that she was going to call me in some anyway because of my past history, I'm guessing she was referring to my losses.  I was really happy to hear that I could start taking the Prometrium right away, it just reassures me to know that I'm helping my Progest. stay high throughout these fragile, early weeks.  Shelia warned me they may make me feel "yucky", in which I quickly asked what she meant by that.  She said they may make me a little nauseous or give me a headache.  I stopped by CVS later that evening to pick them up and was shocked to hear the price was $280!!  And that's for just a 30 day supply!  After the pharm. tech saw the "deer in the headlights" look on my face, she said she could give me half and discount the price.  I thought that was a good idea, seeing that I should be getting renewed for my Medicaid any day now, then I can just go pick up the other half later.  So, I paid $125...whew..still a nice chunk of change, but I will be getting that re-reimbursed eventually, so it's all good.  I took my first one last night and the only side effect I noticed was it made me really sleepy, which I've heard from other girls it did to them too.  I can handle that!  It might be a little more difficult to handle during the day, when I need to stay awake, but I won't complain about one thing during this pregnancy, especially since it will mean I get my little bundle of joy at the end. 
It's only been 2 days since I received the good news and I'm already wanting to tell Scott so bad!  But, I'm really going to have to try to keep my secret hidden, for a while longer.  I just hope he doesn't get mad at me for not telling him right away and he'll understand my reasoning. 
Will update later when I hear back from my doctor....

S-U-C-C-E-S-S!!!!

It's been a looonngg, emotional, roller coster of a ride these past 9mths....but the ride has slowly come to a stop!  The storm clouds have parted revealing my long, awaited for RAINBOW!!  I'm am beside myself right now, filled with joy, excitement and overwhelmed with thankfulness. 

As you know from my last post, I had a really good feeling about my temps this cycle.  Last night I decided that if my temp was high agian this morning I would test first thing...and sure enough at 10dpo, I see a beautiful BFP starring back at me!

The first thing I did was get on my hands and knees and, in tears, give Glory to my Heavenly Father who has opened my womb once again and provided this Blessing.  I begged and pleaded with Him to let this baby grow and flourish, to be completely healthy and Full-Term! 
Words can not express how unbelievably happy I am.  I'm going to Believe with all my heart that this Pregnancy will go perfectly and THIS baby I WILL hold and cuddle in my arms in June 2012! (EDD: 6/15/12)

Okay, now I'm going to go let this marinate for a while...I'll be back with more later!  YYYIIIPPPPIIIEE!!

Cycle 8...9dpo...Could this be it??!!

This cycle has seemed the most promising so far, so if this isn't it I'm going to be seriously disappointed!  First of all, for some unknown reason, my Pre-O temps have been higher than normal, which is good.  Then at 7dpo I had a huge temp drop.  Implantation Dip??  Could be!  Afterward my temp went back up and this morning surged upward 4 points!  I'm not experiencing any symptoms of Hcg though. 
Last cycle was the first cycle I was able to go through without using an HPT and it felt SO good to not have to see a bfn starring back at me.  But, I was able to tell by my gradually falling temps that AF was on her way. 
This time, based on my temps (so far), things appear very hopeful.  I am VERY tempted to test in the AM!  If it's a bfn, of course I'll be disappointed but at least I won't be sitting here like a dope for the next few days thinking I could be PG. 
On the other hand, I only have TWO tests left which I would hate to waste. 
I think I'm just going to see what my temp is like in the morning and decide...if it stays high..I'll test...if it starts to drop..I'll wait. 
I just scheduled my Annual Pap appt. today for in a few weeks.  If I am PG this cycle, it will give me a good excuse to have an early prenatal appt. to check on things, If I'm not, it will give me a chance to speak with my doc about my TTC journey so far and my options.

God, I hope my journey has ended!  Stay tuned....

Feeling good about Cycle 8...come on baby!

Quick check in and cycle update!  I've been very busy in seems and have not had the time to focus on my Blog, sorry.
I'm am currently Oing!  This cycle, so far, has been the best and most promising yet.  I say that because, for some reason, my Pre-O temps have been higher than usual and the past two cycles I've O'ed earlier than normal.  This is good news.  I'm CD15 and got my + OPK yesterday.  I expect to possibly see another + today with a temp rise tomorrow morning.  The BD'ing has been good (CD 15, 13, and 10), although I would love to get one more in before my temp rise, hopefully tonight!  Then the waiting begins. ugh. 
I'm due for my Annual Pap next month, so if no baby by then I will talking with her about my journey so far.  I am concerned I may be having issues getting PG due to accumulated scar tissue (from all of my surgeries), but that is just a theory.  I'm thinking of asking for a hysterocopy to help determine that, just for my own knowledge.  But, I'm still believing in miracles over here and holding on to Hope with white knuckles!

Stay tuned....and, by all means, Keep those fingers crossed!! :-)

UnLucky Cycle 7

Well, this is going to be short and sweet, cause I'm really not in the mood to Blog, but as you can read from the title, I'm not Pregnant.  (SHOCKER) gasp!  I'm struggling to stay positive that I will ever have my rainbow, but holding on like a hair in a biscuit.  The Saga will continue on to Cycle 8...and here's to hoping that 8 is GRrrrreat!  Now I must go and comfort myself with the heating pad while dear Aunt Flow lingers with her unwelcomed visit. :-(

Crazy Cycle 7!

Cycle 7 has not proven to be lucky or not, yet, but it sure has proven to be my most confusing charted cycle yet!  It all started on CD15 when I was shocked to get an early + OPK, thank goodness I started my OPKs early!  I was excited that I was going to O earlier this cycle!  Although I clearly had my + OPK, I still felt my CM was there, but CP wasn't quite Soft & Open yet.  This cycle I had wanted to make sure we BDed on the day of O, so figuring since I normally have two days of +'s before I O, we could start BD CD15, skip a day and BD again on O day.  Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong!  I had two +'s CD15 & CD16 and was able to BD both days.  On CD17, before I could even OPK again, I noticed my morning temp had risen to Post-O status!  I figured I O'ed on CD16 and was elated because I had BDed on O day and the day before, perfect!  Everything was looking great until the morning of CD18 to find my temp had drastically dropped way below my cover line back to Pre-O temps, this had never happened to me before.  Had I not really O'ed yet, was this a weird, fall-back temp, what was going on??  I decided to use another OPK that afternoon just to see what it would say and lo and behold it was another +!  Not only that, my CM/CP were the most fertile yet!  WTHeck!? And to make matters worse, I was unable to BD that night (thanks to my moody/tired husband).  I thought, well, if I haven't O'ed yet, then maybe tomorrow's OPK will be neg. and I will O that day and try to BD that day as well.  Thankfully, the next day (CD19) brought a negative OPK with fertile CM/CP and BD, BUT my temp had spiked back up to Post-O temps.  My temps have sustained Post-O temps since then, I am currently CD22.  So now to get to how many DPO I am, well, that's the problem!  Thanks to my crazy signs and temps, I have no idea exactly.

1.)  I either O'ed on CD16, which means I BDed on O day and day before (which would be great) and I'm 6dpo.
2.)  I O'ed on the day of my temp dip CD18, which means BD timing would suck, having done it 2 & 3 days prior to O, but still not impossible.  And would make me 4dpo.
3.) I O'ed on the day of my neg. OPK after my + (like I usually do) on CD19, with my temp sustained above that temp, which would again be great with BD on O day and BD also on days 3 & 4 prior to O, this would make me 3dpo.

So, as you can see, I have no idea how many dpo I am at this point, but I can figure at least anywhere from 3-6!  All in all the BD timing would still work for all scenarios, better for some them others.  So, here I sit in a very confusing 2WW and praying it pays off with a nice BFP!!
So far, I've had the normal Progesterone induced sore bb's, but I have had some unusual light cramping the past few days and I'm hoping that's a good sign.  I plan on testing in one week,( Wed., Sept. 7th)  I will be either 10-13dpo and should be able to get a reliable result by then.  Hoping this crazy cycle still turns out to be my lucky one!

Lucky Cycle 7??

New Cycle = New Plan!  This is going to be kinda tricky this month, only because my cycles have been like a box of chocolates..I never know what I'm going to get! Hahaha...thank you Forrest Gump!  So, in my past cycle history I've had quite a range in O times, ranging anywhere from CD17-CD25!  That's a difference of 9 days (over a week), people!!  Doesn't make for easy planning, for sure!  So, what's a TTC girl to do?  I'll have to shoot for an average within the range and XMF's I hit the nail on the head.  My average O time is CD20, so I will go with that, give or take a few days in either direction...Thank God for OPK's, that's all I can say.  One thing, I'm going to strive to do this cycle that hasn't been done before is to BD On the Day of O AND Day After, this would be the best way to "seal the deal", in my puny, human efforts anyway.  So, here goes the Plan for August Cycle....
CD14 (8/24) - Start OPK's, and continue to use, each day, til +
CD17 (8/27) - Begin BD EOD, till + OPK
Once I get my + OPK I will BD on the day it goes back to - (this is typically my O day), and then BD again the following day (for insurance).

duh duh duh...the dreaded BFN (AGAIN)

Knocked down (again) for the the 6th time...BUT not out for the count.  I'm sad that I am still on this emotional, roller-coaster of a journey, but have not lost perspective or hope of seeing my efforts and prayers become a soon reality.  I know that Father's timing is perfect and I have the patience I need to endure the wait.  As my 2WW drew near to the end, I had a feeling I would not be seeing my bfp at the end of it.  I do realize that every pregnancy and the signs and symptoms of each one can be different each time, but there are specific things I usually do notice before each of my pregnancies, and I have not noticed anything out of the norm of normal progesterone symptoms.  Today I am 10dpo and I anticipate a visit from AF in a few days.

I am already looking forward to trying a new BD schedule next cycle, cycle 7!  7 is a very Lucky number and hopefully will bring me LOTS of baby luck!  Although each unsuccessful cycle that passes is a major let down, I am gaining a great deal just in the experience alone which I am very appreciative for.  I am thoroughly enjoying charting and temping and getting to know my body and how it works; I have become very educated and informed as far as my body, supplements, vitamins, VBAMC's, and best of all have been connected to some of the sweetest women I've ever known, they have been my rock during this journey and I wouldn't want to do this without them!

My goals before the end of this year are as follows:

1.  Become Pregnant!
2.  Sell our Home and Move to a Bigger one.
3.  Do well in school and make excellent grades.

I have all the Faith in the world that I will meet these goals!
~Stay tuned for August's Cycle 7 Baby Plan.............

The 2WW for Cycle 6 has begun!

Temp Rise Today! Now the 2WW begins... I have a good feeling about this cycle, hoping this is my month!  My EDD would be April 18th (a spring baby :-)  I plan on testing around 10dpo, so a week from this Sat. KMFX'ed we caught my Rainbow!! To Be Continued...

Got my + OPK!

Good News! I got my + OPK, in fact not long after my last post! Collective "WHEW"!  Yippie skippie, all is okie dokie!  I had another + today and have been able to BD both days! Yay, Me!  So, although I'm Oing later than I have yet, I'm still KMFX'ed for my BFP this cycle!  Wish me lots of Sticky Baby Dust!>>>

Hurry Up & Wait... Is Becoming the Story of Cycle 6

So, get this, I'm on CD22 and still no Ovulation!  I've had signs of Ovulation, but no + OPK or temp rise.  This is the latest I've ever O'ed in my Charting Cycle History (5mths)!  I'm beginning to wonder if I'll even O at all.  I'm past wondering wth is going on or why this is happening.  Sometimes O can be delayed by great amounts of stress, sickness, medications, etc....all of which has NOT been affecting me!  I pretty much gave up on any kind of scheduling or BDing.  I will keep using my OPK's and BD if and when I ever get a +.  According to my CM and CP I should have O'ed by now.  Over this past weekend my OPK's were so dark, it was hard to distinguish, but I could tell they were not quite + yet, so I figured the next day they would be, but nothing, if fact by the end of the weekend they actually started to lighten up! UGH!  Saying I'm Frustrated is an understatement.  But what can do, but do what I've been doing for the past 3 weeks...Wait....And hope that the Wait will SOON be over!

Random Thoughts of a Weary Traveler

It's been about 6 months since my MC and I still have periods of very strong emotion. I can't get over how painful it still is to hear about other women being PG or to see them.   I guess I thought by now I would be further along in my healing or at least to a stage where I still didn't harbor so much anger and negativity about it.
I wanted to get PG for a long time, but ever since the MC the desire has greatly intensified. I feel like I've been dealt a great injustice and I don't know what I've done to deserve it.  I feel like I've been teased and played a horrible joke upon. Every TTC month that passes and proves to be unsuccessful is like a slap in the face.  It might be okay if I was still in my 20's and had time, but now that I'm 33 I feel pressure to make it happen soon.  I still don't want to accept the reality that I may just have three beautiful kids and that's it, although the possibility never escapes my mind.  My heart screams otherwise, that I was destined to have more, and I can't quiet the constant longing.  Having a baby is literally consuming me, and deep down, I know that's not right.  I WANT ANSWERS, that can only be answered by a voice that remains silent.  I'm walking alone, blindly, in a dark world that's stuck between hopelessness and hope.  The storm is over, but the storm clouds linger and thunder threatens in the distance, stirring up the hidden fears within me.  Will the sun every shine again?  Will I ever encounter my rainbow? 

The JULY Plan

As we all know by now, as much as I try to set a golden plan, real life rarely lines up properly, so here's the tentative plan that will hopefully bring me July fireworks :-)!

Based on all my charted cycles, up to this point, FF has put my O sometime between CD 18-21...

CD10 (July 12)- Start OPK's
CD15 (July 17)- Start BD EOD/OPK's
BD ED once I get my + OPK/Preseed (if needed)
PC 1-5DPO

Mission Rainbow Continues....

Rocky start to Cycle 6

AF arrived at the worst time ever, not that she's ever a very welcomed guest, but this cycle her timing couldn't have been worse!  She arrived the day of my 11 year old's birthday party at the beach!  As if throwing parties aren't stressful enough, they're even more stressful on a beach! Now, let me just say, the party turned out a big success and everyone thoroughly enjoyed it.  First of all, this was a new place to us, so we went not really knowing what to expect when we got there.  After traveling over an hour to get there, it was time to set up, which entailed Lugging our car's packed (and not light) contents a few yards down the beach to our designated spot.  Now, keep in mind, this is day one of AF, which is usually the heaviest and crampiest...but hey the show must go on, right?  So, finally after setting everything up just so, in the midst of kids wanting to run in every direction, while impatiently demanding their sun tan lotion to be applied ASAP, we notice in the distance a fast approaching thunderstorm (lightening included).  Oh, and did I mention our "Restrooms" were two very nasty port-a-potties about 10 yards from where we were? Lovely, isn't it.  Back to the storm...So, we soon realize we will probably have to gather the kiddies and hunker down under our canopies and wait the storm out.  Inevitably the storm ended up going around us and making the day cooler and less scorched (which was nice), but not before blowing hurricane like winds through our setup and pretty much making shambles of my party decor.  I forgot to take my "Whatever, I don't care pill" that morning (do you know where I can get some of those?), so the whole time my PMS is raging, thankfully I was able to cap the pending explosion and didn't pack everything up and sprint to the nearest heating pad.  Once the weather settled, the rest of the day turned out to be quite nice (whew, disaster, once again averted).  Long story short, I have been very stressed lately, mainly with finances, but the party planning didn't help, and with my mom in town, just having a house guest can throw routine and order out the window (which, I tend to function best in).  On the other hand, having my mom here, I have enjoyed her company and actually enjoyed the unpredictability of fun times shared.  I know it's the stress that has thrown a monkey wrench in my period, I just hope it doesn't affect the rest of my cycle or my O.  So, this is will be my 6th month TTC and since my MC.  I don't know why I thought, I would get PG so quickly TTC?  Let's just hope I can get PG faster than it's taking to sell our home, I though that was going to be quick process too.  I'm really going to try to NOT think something is wrong with me and my ability to have more kids and just stay focused on leaving the decision in my Father's Faithful Hands.  I have to accept the fact that it may be His Will that I have no more, to me that is a bitter reality to swallow, but I can't continue to live in a state of wanting something so bad, that I may never get, and allowing it to bring me down and steal my peace and joy.  I'm so blessed already, sometimes I feel selfish asking for more, but what's so wrong with wanting to give more love to another being and make our family bigger?  I'm growing weary in my TTC journey, but not relenting, ever hopeful.  Crazy AF's, Stressful days, Sandy Parties, TTC rollercoasters...it really is all worth it, my family is worth everything!  July plan in the works....

Moving on to Cycle 6 :-(

It's not looking good for a BFP for the June Cycle.  BFN's at 9 & 11dpo.  With an LP of 13, AF should be arriving in the next couple of days. *tear*  Oh, Well, what can I do, except try, try again.  As annoying as all this "trying" is, I still have hope that one day (hopefully one day THIS year) it will pay off.  Even though it seems like an eternity I've been TTC, really it's only been about 5months, so I guess these things just take time.  And, as much as I want a baby, like yesterday, I still want Father's timing, not my own.  All I can do is hope he has plans to bless me with another, but in this my future is uncertain.  In the past 5mths. I feel like I've literally tried everything!  So, I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing..charting, OPKing and Preseed (when needed).  I do have plans to eventually add some more supplements to my diet (when my money truck comes in) and I really need to get back into a good exercise routine.  The last two times I joined Jazzercise I got PG!  But, with money tight, at the moment, I'll have to stick to a homemade plan for now, and that's the ticket, actually STICKING to the routine...ugh, not one of my stronger suits.  I tell you what, there's nothing like living by Faith, believing and having hope in what you can't see, hear, or touch with hopes that one day it will manifest.  I think I'm going to hold off on praying for patience for awhile, I've had enough of that lesson. Ha!  The "July Plan" will soon be in the works....to be continued...

4dpo and playing the waiting game...

Not much going on besides waiting in my 2ww...which is Boooorrriinngg!  Tomorrow I will have downed my last of the pineapple core, I feel like an idiot every time I eat it, like it's probably doing a whole lot of nothing, but hey can't ever say I never tried it.  If desire alone could get me PG, I'd be in my 3rd trimester by now!  I'm hoping beyond all hope this is the month of my BFP, but muting my emotions, just in case it's not.  Tis a hard balance to juggle, but all part of the journey.  I really would love to hold off til 12dpo to test this cycle, but don't know if I'm capable of such a feat...so we'll see.  My sweet mommie is coming in this weekend, so I'm hoping her being here will help me keep my mind off of testing.  Then I start thinking about how hard it will be to keep it to myself if I am!  But, as of right now, I really feel that would be the best thing, considering my last pregnancy...it will be really hard not to let the fear of MC get to me next go round, but I must live by Faith not fear.  One more week til testing!!!

Ovulation Day!

It's CD19 and I'm Ovulating today!  I had + OPK's CD17 & 18 and a - today, which can only mean my surge is over and has done it's job.  My corpus luteum that released my egg should be dying today which should give me a rise in temp in the morning, then I'll officially be in my 2WW!!  Girl has been learning a little sumt'n sumt'n! ;-)  Of course my O has been happening unpredictably every cycle, which makes BDing perfectly very hard to do.  But, I think I did a pretty good job this cycle, even though there's always a wish you could've DTD a couple more times, but I tried to stick to my schedule! 

I began BDing EOD starting on CD13, 15, 17...then when I got my + OPK on CD17 I was able to begin BDing ED and got some action in on CD18 as well...yay me!  That will probably be a wrap on the BDing for this fertile window, so hopefully that did the trick!  BD 3 nights in a row for me and DH is pushing it.  That's BD on Day 6,4,2 &1 leading up to O!  I am hopeful for this cycle, but now only time will tell.  I plan on starting the Pine.Core tomorrow and eating it ED up until 5dpo. (Sun.-Wed), then I will begin testing 10dpo/CD28/Mon. 27th.  KMFX'ed for a BFP!!!  (EDD: March 10, 2012) Stay tuned....

June Cycle Check-In

Not much going on at the moment...I'm currently on CD12.  I'm unsure whether my O will be early or not, so I'm unsure if I'm currently within my fertile window.  Just in case, I will keep with my June Plan BDing schedule, which I don't think is going to be a problem making happen.  I started OPK's earlier on CD11 (yesterday), I would just rather be safe than sorry.  Right now they are neg., CM is Sticky, and CP is LFC (low-firm-closed), which are all signs that O is still a ways away, which is good, it won't sneak up on me this time!  So far, my cycle has been great, no abnormal bleeding or spotting, temps look good and steady, in fact they look the best, this cycle, yet; no erratic up and downs.
I've been spending lots of time online looking for a GOOD Prenatal and have been very frustrated trying to find exactly what I'm looking for.  I would like to find one that is: 1. All natural, organic, Kosher (no synthetics and NO PABA which is very toxic) 2. Has enough of all the recommended Vitamins and Minerals I should be taking without having to do any supplementing. 3.  Is preferably ONE a day and Not 3, 4, and yes I've even seen 6 a day! 4. INEXPENSIVE!  So, believe it or not vitamins that meet this criteria are either VERY hard to find or I'm just not looking in the right place.  So, my search continues...I'm going to check some Health Food stores near me soon also.

June Plan interference

Well, that was awkward...We all know my DH is not Pro-TTC, so I've been doing him a favor by not enlightening him of my plans.  Recently I ordered more OPK's from Amazon and instead of arriving during the week (while DH is out) like they ALWAYS do, they ended up arriving yesterday, on a Sat., while DH was home!  He actually brought me the package! I about died.  Of course he wanted to know what was in it, then proceeded to open the package!  Let's just say he wasn't upset/angry about the tests, but wasn't happy, he was more annoyed, but in a joking way (hard to explain).  I think he thinks I'm just crazy, and I really believe he thinks because he doesn't WANT anymore he's NOT going to have anymore....I like to say he resides along the river, De Nile.  Our conversations are quite comical (frustratingly comical), we both couldn't be any more hard-headed when it comes to having a baby.  He tells me last night, I better not be trying to get pregnant, to which I reply, "Um, yes, I am", to which he replies, "Um, no you're not".  It's quite ridiculous really, but for me, where there's a Way...there's a Will!  He thinks he's slick by telling me he's going to regulate our BDing to once a month...LMBO on that one. We all know it only takes ONE perfectly timed BD to make a baby and  He knows he can't go more than a week anyway, besides I will rape him if I need to.  But, all kidding aside, seriously, this is not going to make my "plans" any easier.  Especially this cycle where most of my BDing was planned throughout the week, we rarely DTD during the week, so it will be quite obvious for me to initiate during that time.  I'll do what I can, but it looks like I'll have another "low rating" on the BDing this cycle.  Darn stubborn husband, has to make life so difficult, literally!
You know if must be really nice to have a Kind, Supportive husband who longs to have a baby just as much as his spouse, to Try Together, to be Excited to see a BFP together.  I've never been afforded this privilege. Instead I get De Nile and looks of Fear at the sight of a BFP, aren't I lucky?!

The "June" Plan

Maybe I should say "Tentative" Plan, since we all know when it comes to trying to plan what a body will do and when it will do it, can be pretty uncontrollable.  But, here's the plan anyway and fingers crossed it will pan out accordingly AND Successfully!....

Sun, June 12th- CD 13:  Start OPK's (and use every day til +)/BD
Tues, June 14th- CD15: BD
Thurs, June 16th- CD17: BD
Sat, June 18th-CD 19: BD
Mon, June 20th-CD 21: BD

This is the "plan" as of right now and going by my last charted cycles, according to them I could O anywhere between CD17-21, so this would cover the bases.  I would prefer not to have to BD this much, so I will be counting on my OPK's to help me determine when would be the BEST time to BD.  I would like to, at least, BD a few days before O and on O, the trick will be discovering when O will show.  Once my OPK's begin to darken, gearing up to O, I will ADD Mucinex, PreSeed, and Soft Cups to the mix.

AND as if I don't already want to get PG enough, I just realized the other day if I do get PG this month I will be due with the baby around my "Golden Anniversary", DH and I will make 14 years on Feb. 14th 2012!!  So, OMGosh, how awesome would that be to round out our little family on such a special month!  Just something else to obsess over...LOL.  I am going to Try to do myself a Big favor and keep my mind clear of all TTC antics for the time begin and continue the obsessing only during my Fertile Window. 

Mommy's Trying Little One.....Mommy's Trying.

Quick Update

The June cycle has begun with AF showing up this morning. *sarcastic yay*  Sad I have to start all over again with TTC another cycle, but glad I have another charted cycle under my belt, to learn from.  THIS TIME Gadget, I will not be caught off guard by that sly O of mine!  I already have a "Plan" a-brewing and will be posting it shortly...muahahaha (smarty-pants laugh of persistence).  This cycle, I'm really going to try to keep my mind off the whole TTC deal, until my fertile window, then again try to focus on other things besides the 2WW, it's just too emotionally and mentally draining to be in TTC mode 24/7, and I also feel like it steals my present reality and time, as the days begin to fly away one after the other.  My life is too full of blessings to not enjoy every second of them and waste precious time chatting about my CM and staring at a chart! Agreed? Agreed!  Off to my day, but will be back to post the "Misson Baby" schedule later (June Edition) ;-)....

Saying good-bye to May and eagerly looking towards June

Well, I'm 11dpo and my temps are on a slow decent downward, signaling AF is most likely on her way.  She should be arriving in a couple of days, by Tuesday.  Mentally, I'm already excited about my next fertile window and my next attempt at a "Plan".  I've already begun to let the hope of May being my month lie to rest.  As surprising as it was to have my O earlier than I expected, it definitely taught me a good lesson: Always Expect the Unexpected (when it comes to my cycles).  Now that I know it's actually possible for me to O early, it will not sneak up on me again!  I better go ahead and purchase another bundle of OPK's now, cuz I'm going to need them.  I'm honestly a teeny bit relieved I am not PG, only because, over the last month DH has been acquiring lots of overtime and I doubt I would be able to get the Medicaid that I would need.  It's a double-edged sword, it's great when he brings home the Fat Checks, but doesn't look good when you apply for Medicaid, oh the joys of his fluctuating salary.  I'll just have to believe when Father sees fit to allow me another pregnancy, He will also provide financially some way, some how.  I would love it if I could just find me a good midwife who's willing to take me on, then we could just make smaller payments on our own, but haven't had any luck in that area yet, and that's a whole other story, worthy of it's own post (will save that for later).  But, right now my focus is on getting PG and maybe, just maybe, June will be my month ;-).

Perseverance at 10dpo and beyond

Took my IC this morning with FMU and was not too surprised to NOT see my BFP. :-(  I could make out a slight indent line, but it was white, not pink.  It appears my Early O was just caught me too off guard, like I thought.  I also had a small temp drop this AM.  I will continue to test EOD until AF arrives, she is due in a few days. You know, I thought I would be more upset than I actually am, I think me already considering the fact that this is probably not my cycle has helped to buffer the results.  It's even comforting to know my O snuck up on me and didn't allow me the chance to implement my "plan", so me not getting my BFP makes more sense than if I had done everything I could and still did not get my BFP.  I also do realize even when I do everything I can, there is still a very good chance none of it will work, ultimately I'm not the one who opens the womb or creates life (which is probably a good thing, no telling how many kids I would have..lol).  I love my babies and would love a whole house full of them, but my wants have to remain in my Father's Hands, for He knows what's best for me. I'm thankful for the peace that I retain when all my plans fail and I can place my hope in trust in ONE more faithful than anyone else.
Is it in Father's Plans for me to get my BFP?  I don't know. Surely not this month.  And I'm okay with that. p

9 dpo and not very hopeful this is my cycle...

Well, I'm 9dpo today and plan on testing in the morning at 10dpo, but feeling like I will not see my BFP. :-(  I have experienced, what I thought to be PG symptoms over the last week, but I also expected them to increase or intensify by now.  The main symptom has been fatigue, I have also had fairly sore and achey bb's, and light cramping from time to time.  I do realize that each pregnancy can vary in symptoms, so I have not lost all hope, for this cycle, yet. 

I have been studying the pregnancy symptoms and HPT's by dpo at http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/ and have noticed that a little more than half of the women polled received a false negative from their IC test when taken at 10dpo, and more than half finally received a faint positive at 11dpo (using the Wondfo brand, I have).  So, if I get a - in the morning I will try not give up hope just yet, but if I still have a - after testing on Sunday (@ 11dpo), I will assume I will not be seeing a BFP this month, in which I will be very annoyed...BUT, I will not go there yet...and will wait and see what the tests say over the next couple of days.  Still holding on to a glimmer of hope.

On the bright side: My temps are looking fantastic and the best they've looked since charting yet!  And even though fatigue is my main symptom, fatigue is the number one symptom for pregnant women at my dpo.  So, we'll see...the tests will tell the story soon enough.

Currently at 5dpo and waiting & hoping & praying.....

Although I should be 1dpo, I'm already 5dpo, thanks to my surprise O! ;-)  I'm glad to already be so far into my 2WW, but disappointed I didn't get to BD as much as I had planned to.  It only takes ONE, so I'm still hoping this is my month.  If it is, I should be implanting sometime between today and Wed. and may start "feeling" symptoms by Thurs.  I'll probably do a HPT Friday or Saturday, I'll be (9-10dpo), even though that is still kinda early.
I slept with a heating pad on my belly last night, because I read somewhere that is good for implantation, and hey, I'll try anything!..lol.  Whenever I get a chance to lay down over the next couple of days, I'll continue to use it.
I'm still taking the aspirin and will continue that til I get a + HPT, then will stop it.  I've also been taking 400mg of Red Raspberry Leaf every other day and will continue to do that throughout my pregnancy, increasing the dosage every trimester.  I've only heard good things about the RRL, and hoping it pays off for me.
My temps are staying above my coverline and I had a nice jump today, hoping they stay UP!
If I conceive this cycle my EDD will be:  2/9/2012

Appears that I did O earlier than I expected...Drats!

Well, it's going on CD20 and I'm thinking more and more I must have O'ed early last week.  This time last cycle I got my + OPK, but today it was the lightest it's been since getting my earlier +.  My temp this morning was still high (97.1), going by all info gathered so far, I'm going to have to assume I already O'ed.  This doesn't leave me very hopeful for my Rainbow this month, I wasn't prepared at all for an early O and only BD'ed a couple of times.  I do realized those two times could have been enough, but it would've been nice to have BD'ed a lot more during that time.  I went ahead and charted my O on CD17 on FF and it says I'm 3dpo today.  Will be interesting to see how this cycle continues to play out, I haven't charted a cycle with O this early yet, so I don't know if my luteal phase will be longer or if  AF will come sooner than normal OR if I'll end up getting my BFP!  I will be able to start my HPT's next weekend, hopefully until then my temps will stay UP and I'll start feeling some PG symptoms.  If I've conceived I can expect implantation anytime between Tues.-Thurs., so I'll be looking for possible implantation pains or spotting, then I should expect my bb's to sound the alarm..lol.
I wish I knew why I O'ed early and what that will mean for future cycles, now I'm not sure what to expect.  I do know I'll have to start PingOA-OPK way earlier in my cycle now, so I don't miss it! 

Crazy Cycle #4!

Why Oh Why can't I have nice, little, easy-to-read, NON-Confusing Cycles??!!  Here's what's happening in my May Cycle world:

This is the 3rd complete cycle I've been able to chart (well, not yet complete with this one).  The 2 previous cycles lasted about (give or take a day) the same length from start to finish about 33-34 days.  The Luteal Phase lasted about the same length as well, about 13-14 days, with Ovulation being on 20-21CD.  Last cycle (cycle #3), I introduced OPK's to the scene and started them way early on CD10, all tests lined up accordingly with the cycle and temp chart, negative readings until CD20.  Seemed like I had some pretty solid evidence for what my cycles were like these days, right? Not quite!

This cycle (#4) started out well and appeared would end up like all the others, based on my last cycles, I was ready and prepared, had it all planned out (scroll down to "The May Plan" entry, you can see for yourself).  I had my OPK's ready to roll and figured, since I could pretty much pinpoint O (based on past cycles), I wouldn't waste any by using them early, I'd just wait til about CD15, that should be early enough.  Well, we all know (because of the last couple of entries), I was surprised to see a bright and shinning POSITIVE reading on CD14!  I did notice a very little EWCM that night, but how could I be Oing a week early?!  My temps continued to remain pre-O worthy, so after 3 more positive tests on CD14 & 15, I assumed they had to be false, maybe I was having a surge of LH for whatever reason, but I couldn't possibly be releasing an egg.  CD 16 I finally got a negative, but my temps did seem to be on a slow rise.  My cervix still felt Med/Med/Med and my CM had gone back to sticky/creamy.  CD18 I woke up and temp'ed and got a 97.2...whoa...what?!  My temp has never gone above 97 until after an O!  I temp'ed again right away, my nose was kind of stuffy and I thought maybe I was putting to much mouth heat on the thermo., my next temp came up a 96.9, still high, but still low enough to be considered (for me) pre-O.  I made a note of the higher temp, but went ahead and charted the lower, which made more sense. Again, I tested negative on OPK.   Today is CD19 I woke up with a temp of 97.2 AGAIN!  And again I re-tested quickly, which came back with a 97.3, so there was no way I could ignore the high temp. When I got up and went to the restroom I noticed EWCM.  I also seem to be High/Soft/Open, but with a negative OPK. So, here I am, 2 days away from when I was Planning on Oing and things just aren't adding up!  I'm continuing with the "May Plan", just in case I am still to O, but it appears, I may have O'ed already!  So, what am I left with after my fertile week of gathering info? A BIG Mess!  At this point, I don't know if I'm 5dpo OR on the verge of O!  And to add to all the excitement my bb's have been achey today and I've been feeling the need to pee alot and have been exrta sleepy the past couple of days.  So, now I don't know whether to pee on a OPK or pee on a HPT! lol.. (funny, but not really).  All I can do is continue to gather my info. til AF (hoping she doesn't arrive, of course), then sit back and try to figure out the big picture.  My temps will continue to clue me in everyday, they will either continue to stay above 97 or not. 
I'm glad I caught my early + OPK when I did, but did not get to BD as much as I would've liked, but hopefully it was enough.  I will continue with my plan for this weekend, just in case.  I've already taken my Mucinex and am planning on BDing tonight (Friday) and Sunday. 
Thankfully, I even have all this info. to go by, but it's sure not going to do me much good if I have cycles all over the place and can't rely on a set one.
I'm kinda bummed, I don't like feeling confused, but excited at the same time, I'm interested in seeing how this cycle eventually turns out....a BFP on a HPT would be a GREAT ending!  Stay tuned....