Random Thoughts of a Weary Traveler

It's been about 6 months since my MC and I still have periods of very strong emotion. I can't get over how painful it still is to hear about other women being PG or to see them.   I guess I thought by now I would be further along in my healing or at least to a stage where I still didn't harbor so much anger and negativity about it.
I wanted to get PG for a long time, but ever since the MC the desire has greatly intensified. I feel like I've been dealt a great injustice and I don't know what I've done to deserve it.  I feel like I've been teased and played a horrible joke upon. Every TTC month that passes and proves to be unsuccessful is like a slap in the face.  It might be okay if I was still in my 20's and had time, but now that I'm 33 I feel pressure to make it happen soon.  I still don't want to accept the reality that I may just have three beautiful kids and that's it, although the possibility never escapes my mind.  My heart screams otherwise, that I was destined to have more, and I can't quiet the constant longing.  Having a baby is literally consuming me, and deep down, I know that's not right.  I WANT ANSWERS, that can only be answered by a voice that remains silent.  I'm walking alone, blindly, in a dark world that's stuck between hopelessness and hope.  The storm is over, but the storm clouds linger and thunder threatens in the distance, stirring up the hidden fears within me.  Will the sun every shine again?  Will I ever encounter my rainbow?