The 2WW for Cycle 6 has begun!

Temp Rise Today! Now the 2WW begins... I have a good feeling about this cycle, hoping this is my month!  My EDD would be April 18th (a spring baby :-)  I plan on testing around 10dpo, so a week from this Sat. KMFX'ed we caught my Rainbow!! To Be Continued...

Got my + OPK!

Good News! I got my + OPK, in fact not long after my last post! Collective "WHEW"!  Yippie skippie, all is okie dokie!  I had another + today and have been able to BD both days! Yay, Me!  So, although I'm Oing later than I have yet, I'm still KMFX'ed for my BFP this cycle!  Wish me lots of Sticky Baby Dust!>>>

Hurry Up & Wait... Is Becoming the Story of Cycle 6

So, get this, I'm on CD22 and still no Ovulation!  I've had signs of Ovulation, but no + OPK or temp rise.  This is the latest I've ever O'ed in my Charting Cycle History (5mths)!  I'm beginning to wonder if I'll even O at all.  I'm past wondering wth is going on or why this is happening.  Sometimes O can be delayed by great amounts of stress, sickness, medications, etc....all of which has NOT been affecting me!  I pretty much gave up on any kind of scheduling or BDing.  I will keep using my OPK's and BD if and when I ever get a +.  According to my CM and CP I should have O'ed by now.  Over this past weekend my OPK's were so dark, it was hard to distinguish, but I could tell they were not quite + yet, so I figured the next day they would be, but nothing, if fact by the end of the weekend they actually started to lighten up! UGH!  Saying I'm Frustrated is an understatement.  But what can do, but do what I've been doing for the past 3 weeks...Wait....And hope that the Wait will SOON be over!

Random Thoughts of a Weary Traveler

It's been about 6 months since my MC and I still have periods of very strong emotion. I can't get over how painful it still is to hear about other women being PG or to see them.   I guess I thought by now I would be further along in my healing or at least to a stage where I still didn't harbor so much anger and negativity about it.
I wanted to get PG for a long time, but ever since the MC the desire has greatly intensified. I feel like I've been dealt a great injustice and I don't know what I've done to deserve it.  I feel like I've been teased and played a horrible joke upon. Every TTC month that passes and proves to be unsuccessful is like a slap in the face.  It might be okay if I was still in my 20's and had time, but now that I'm 33 I feel pressure to make it happen soon.  I still don't want to accept the reality that I may just have three beautiful kids and that's it, although the possibility never escapes my mind.  My heart screams otherwise, that I was destined to have more, and I can't quiet the constant longing.  Having a baby is literally consuming me, and deep down, I know that's not right.  I WANT ANSWERS, that can only be answered by a voice that remains silent.  I'm walking alone, blindly, in a dark world that's stuck between hopelessness and hope.  The storm is over, but the storm clouds linger and thunder threatens in the distance, stirring up the hidden fears within me.  Will the sun every shine again?  Will I ever encounter my rainbow? 

The JULY Plan

As we all know by now, as much as I try to set a golden plan, real life rarely lines up properly, so here's the tentative plan that will hopefully bring me July fireworks :-)!

Based on all my charted cycles, up to this point, FF has put my O sometime between CD 18-21...

CD10 (July 12)- Start OPK's
CD15 (July 17)- Start BD EOD/OPK's
BD ED once I get my + OPK/Preseed (if needed)
PC 1-5DPO

Mission Rainbow Continues....

Rocky start to Cycle 6

AF arrived at the worst time ever, not that she's ever a very welcomed guest, but this cycle her timing couldn't have been worse!  She arrived the day of my 11 year old's birthday party at the beach!  As if throwing parties aren't stressful enough, they're even more stressful on a beach! Now, let me just say, the party turned out a big success and everyone thoroughly enjoyed it.  First of all, this was a new place to us, so we went not really knowing what to expect when we got there.  After traveling over an hour to get there, it was time to set up, which entailed Lugging our car's packed (and not light) contents a few yards down the beach to our designated spot.  Now, keep in mind, this is day one of AF, which is usually the heaviest and crampiest...but hey the show must go on, right?  So, finally after setting everything up just so, in the midst of kids wanting to run in every direction, while impatiently demanding their sun tan lotion to be applied ASAP, we notice in the distance a fast approaching thunderstorm (lightening included).  Oh, and did I mention our "Restrooms" were two very nasty port-a-potties about 10 yards from where we were? Lovely, isn't it.  Back to the storm...So, we soon realize we will probably have to gather the kiddies and hunker down under our canopies and wait the storm out.  Inevitably the storm ended up going around us and making the day cooler and less scorched (which was nice), but not before blowing hurricane like winds through our setup and pretty much making shambles of my party decor.  I forgot to take my "Whatever, I don't care pill" that morning (do you know where I can get some of those?), so the whole time my PMS is raging, thankfully I was able to cap the pending explosion and didn't pack everything up and sprint to the nearest heating pad.  Once the weather settled, the rest of the day turned out to be quite nice (whew, disaster, once again averted).  Long story short, I have been very stressed lately, mainly with finances, but the party planning didn't help, and with my mom in town, just having a house guest can throw routine and order out the window (which, I tend to function best in).  On the other hand, having my mom here, I have enjoyed her company and actually enjoyed the unpredictability of fun times shared.  I know it's the stress that has thrown a monkey wrench in my period, I just hope it doesn't affect the rest of my cycle or my O.  So, this is will be my 6th month TTC and since my MC.  I don't know why I thought, I would get PG so quickly TTC?  Let's just hope I can get PG faster than it's taking to sell our home, I though that was going to be quick process too.  I'm really going to try to NOT think something is wrong with me and my ability to have more kids and just stay focused on leaving the decision in my Father's Faithful Hands.  I have to accept the fact that it may be His Will that I have no more, to me that is a bitter reality to swallow, but I can't continue to live in a state of wanting something so bad, that I may never get, and allowing it to bring me down and steal my peace and joy.  I'm so blessed already, sometimes I feel selfish asking for more, but what's so wrong with wanting to give more love to another being and make our family bigger?  I'm growing weary in my TTC journey, but not relenting, ever hopeful.  Crazy AF's, Stressful days, Sandy Parties, TTC rollercoasters...it really is all worth it, my family is worth everything!  July plan in the works....