Quick Update

The June cycle has begun with AF showing up this morning. *sarcastic yay*  Sad I have to start all over again with TTC another cycle, but glad I have another charted cycle under my belt, to learn from.  THIS TIME Gadget, I will not be caught off guard by that sly O of mine!  I already have a "Plan" a-brewing and will be posting it shortly...muahahaha (smarty-pants laugh of persistence).  This cycle, I'm really going to try to keep my mind off the whole TTC deal, until my fertile window, then again try to focus on other things besides the 2WW, it's just too emotionally and mentally draining to be in TTC mode 24/7, and I also feel like it steals my present reality and time, as the days begin to fly away one after the other.  My life is too full of blessings to not enjoy every second of them and waste precious time chatting about my CM and staring at a chart! Agreed? Agreed!  Off to my day, but will be back to post the "Misson Baby" schedule later (June Edition) ;-)....

Saying good-bye to May and eagerly looking towards June

Well, I'm 11dpo and my temps are on a slow decent downward, signaling AF is most likely on her way.  She should be arriving in a couple of days, by Tuesday.  Mentally, I'm already excited about my next fertile window and my next attempt at a "Plan".  I've already begun to let the hope of May being my month lie to rest.  As surprising as it was to have my O earlier than I expected, it definitely taught me a good lesson: Always Expect the Unexpected (when it comes to my cycles).  Now that I know it's actually possible for me to O early, it will not sneak up on me again!  I better go ahead and purchase another bundle of OPK's now, cuz I'm going to need them.  I'm honestly a teeny bit relieved I am not PG, only because, over the last month DH has been acquiring lots of overtime and I doubt I would be able to get the Medicaid that I would need.  It's a double-edged sword, it's great when he brings home the Fat Checks, but doesn't look good when you apply for Medicaid, oh the joys of his fluctuating salary.  I'll just have to believe when Father sees fit to allow me another pregnancy, He will also provide financially some way, some how.  I would love it if I could just find me a good midwife who's willing to take me on, then we could just make smaller payments on our own, but haven't had any luck in that area yet, and that's a whole other story, worthy of it's own post (will save that for later).  But, right now my focus is on getting PG and maybe, just maybe, June will be my month ;-).

Perseverance at 10dpo and beyond

Took my IC this morning with FMU and was not too surprised to NOT see my BFP. :-(  I could make out a slight indent line, but it was white, not pink.  It appears my Early O was just caught me too off guard, like I thought.  I also had a small temp drop this AM.  I will continue to test EOD until AF arrives, she is due in a few days. You know, I thought I would be more upset than I actually am, I think me already considering the fact that this is probably not my cycle has helped to buffer the results.  It's even comforting to know my O snuck up on me and didn't allow me the chance to implement my "plan", so me not getting my BFP makes more sense than if I had done everything I could and still did not get my BFP.  I also do realize even when I do everything I can, there is still a very good chance none of it will work, ultimately I'm not the one who opens the womb or creates life (which is probably a good thing, no telling how many kids I would have..lol).  I love my babies and would love a whole house full of them, but my wants have to remain in my Father's Hands, for He knows what's best for me. I'm thankful for the peace that I retain when all my plans fail and I can place my hope in trust in ONE more faithful than anyone else.
Is it in Father's Plans for me to get my BFP?  I don't know. Surely not this month.  And I'm okay with that. p

9 dpo and not very hopeful this is my cycle...

Well, I'm 9dpo today and plan on testing in the morning at 10dpo, but feeling like I will not see my BFP. :-(  I have experienced, what I thought to be PG symptoms over the last week, but I also expected them to increase or intensify by now.  The main symptom has been fatigue, I have also had fairly sore and achey bb's, and light cramping from time to time.  I do realize that each pregnancy can vary in symptoms, so I have not lost all hope, for this cycle, yet. 

I have been studying the pregnancy symptoms and HPT's by dpo at http://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/ and have noticed that a little more than half of the women polled received a false negative from their IC test when taken at 10dpo, and more than half finally received a faint positive at 11dpo (using the Wondfo brand, I have).  So, if I get a - in the morning I will try not give up hope just yet, but if I still have a - after testing on Sunday (@ 11dpo), I will assume I will not be seeing a BFP this month, in which I will be very annoyed...BUT, I will not go there yet...and will wait and see what the tests say over the next couple of days.  Still holding on to a glimmer of hope.

On the bright side: My temps are looking fantastic and the best they've looked since charting yet!  And even though fatigue is my main symptom, fatigue is the number one symptom for pregnant women at my dpo.  So, we'll see...the tests will tell the story soon enough.

Currently at 5dpo and waiting & hoping & praying.....

Although I should be 1dpo, I'm already 5dpo, thanks to my surprise O! ;-)  I'm glad to already be so far into my 2WW, but disappointed I didn't get to BD as much as I had planned to.  It only takes ONE, so I'm still hoping this is my month.  If it is, I should be implanting sometime between today and Wed. and may start "feeling" symptoms by Thurs.  I'll probably do a HPT Friday or Saturday, I'll be (9-10dpo), even though that is still kinda early.
I slept with a heating pad on my belly last night, because I read somewhere that is good for implantation, and hey, I'll try anything!..lol.  Whenever I get a chance to lay down over the next couple of days, I'll continue to use it.
I'm still taking the aspirin and will continue that til I get a + HPT, then will stop it.  I've also been taking 400mg of Red Raspberry Leaf every other day and will continue to do that throughout my pregnancy, increasing the dosage every trimester.  I've only heard good things about the RRL, and hoping it pays off for me.
My temps are staying above my coverline and I had a nice jump today, hoping they stay UP!
If I conceive this cycle my EDD will be:  2/9/2012

Appears that I did O earlier than I expected...Drats!

Well, it's going on CD20 and I'm thinking more and more I must have O'ed early last week.  This time last cycle I got my + OPK, but today it was the lightest it's been since getting my earlier +.  My temp this morning was still high (97.1), going by all info gathered so far, I'm going to have to assume I already O'ed.  This doesn't leave me very hopeful for my Rainbow this month, I wasn't prepared at all for an early O and only BD'ed a couple of times.  I do realized those two times could have been enough, but it would've been nice to have BD'ed a lot more during that time.  I went ahead and charted my O on CD17 on FF and it says I'm 3dpo today.  Will be interesting to see how this cycle continues to play out, I haven't charted a cycle with O this early yet, so I don't know if my luteal phase will be longer or if  AF will come sooner than normal OR if I'll end up getting my BFP!  I will be able to start my HPT's next weekend, hopefully until then my temps will stay UP and I'll start feeling some PG symptoms.  If I've conceived I can expect implantation anytime between Tues.-Thurs., so I'll be looking for possible implantation pains or spotting, then I should expect my bb's to sound the alarm..lol.
I wish I knew why I O'ed early and what that will mean for future cycles, now I'm not sure what to expect.  I do know I'll have to start PingOA-OPK way earlier in my cycle now, so I don't miss it! 

Crazy Cycle #4!

Why Oh Why can't I have nice, little, easy-to-read, NON-Confusing Cycles??!!  Here's what's happening in my May Cycle world:

This is the 3rd complete cycle I've been able to chart (well, not yet complete with this one).  The 2 previous cycles lasted about (give or take a day) the same length from start to finish about 33-34 days.  The Luteal Phase lasted about the same length as well, about 13-14 days, with Ovulation being on 20-21CD.  Last cycle (cycle #3), I introduced OPK's to the scene and started them way early on CD10, all tests lined up accordingly with the cycle and temp chart, negative readings until CD20.  Seemed like I had some pretty solid evidence for what my cycles were like these days, right? Not quite!

This cycle (#4) started out well and appeared would end up like all the others, based on my last cycles, I was ready and prepared, had it all planned out (scroll down to "The May Plan" entry, you can see for yourself).  I had my OPK's ready to roll and figured, since I could pretty much pinpoint O (based on past cycles), I wouldn't waste any by using them early, I'd just wait til about CD15, that should be early enough.  Well, we all know (because of the last couple of entries), I was surprised to see a bright and shinning POSITIVE reading on CD14!  I did notice a very little EWCM that night, but how could I be Oing a week early?!  My temps continued to remain pre-O worthy, so after 3 more positive tests on CD14 & 15, I assumed they had to be false, maybe I was having a surge of LH for whatever reason, but I couldn't possibly be releasing an egg.  CD 16 I finally got a negative, but my temps did seem to be on a slow rise.  My cervix still felt Med/Med/Med and my CM had gone back to sticky/creamy.  CD18 I woke up and temp'ed and got a 97.2...whoa...what?!  My temp has never gone above 97 until after an O!  I temp'ed again right away, my nose was kind of stuffy and I thought maybe I was putting to much mouth heat on the thermo., my next temp came up a 96.9, still high, but still low enough to be considered (for me) pre-O.  I made a note of the higher temp, but went ahead and charted the lower, which made more sense. Again, I tested negative on OPK.   Today is CD19 I woke up with a temp of 97.2 AGAIN!  And again I re-tested quickly, which came back with a 97.3, so there was no way I could ignore the high temp. When I got up and went to the restroom I noticed EWCM.  I also seem to be High/Soft/Open, but with a negative OPK. So, here I am, 2 days away from when I was Planning on Oing and things just aren't adding up!  I'm continuing with the "May Plan", just in case I am still to O, but it appears, I may have O'ed already!  So, what am I left with after my fertile week of gathering info? A BIG Mess!  At this point, I don't know if I'm 5dpo OR on the verge of O!  And to add to all the excitement my bb's have been achey today and I've been feeling the need to pee alot and have been exrta sleepy the past couple of days.  So, now I don't know whether to pee on a OPK or pee on a HPT! lol.. (funny, but not really).  All I can do is continue to gather my info. til AF (hoping she doesn't arrive, of course), then sit back and try to figure out the big picture.  My temps will continue to clue me in everyday, they will either continue to stay above 97 or not. 
I'm glad I caught my early + OPK when I did, but did not get to BD as much as I would've liked, but hopefully it was enough.  I will continue with my plan for this weekend, just in case.  I've already taken my Mucinex and am planning on BDing tonight (Friday) and Sunday. 
Thankfully, I even have all this info. to go by, but it's sure not going to do me much good if I have cycles all over the place and can't rely on a set one.
I'm kinda bummed, I don't like feeling confused, but excited at the same time, I'm interested in seeing how this cycle eventually turns out....a BFP on a HPT would be a GREAT ending!  Stay tuned....

Status Update on the May Fertile Window

Okay, so after two days of positive OPK's, false one's with no temp rise, I finally started getting negative OPK's yesterday and today, which is good, for now.  I will definitely be wanting to see a positive OPK at the beginning of next week, WITH a nice temp rise!  I started taking a daily dose of 81mg baby aspirin yesterday (5/16/11) along with my daily prenatal vitamin.  I ordered some Red Raspberry Leaf capsules last weekend to also take daily, but have not received them yet. 

Taking the Baby Aspirin in the small doses each day while TTC is supposed to help with blood flow and act as a blood thinner.  It should help my reproductive system function more smoothly and also is said to help with implantation and prevent miscarriages. Once you become PG you usually stop taking the aspirin, unless otherwise instructed by your Doctor.

Read more about taking aspirin while TTC here!

The Red Raspberry Leaf capsules are supposed to promote overall health and bring healing to the reproductive system, helps prevent cysts, and buffers PMS symptoms.  It is safe take before, during and after pregnancy.

Read more about the benefits of Red Raspberry Leaf!

To my delight, my local pharmacy store sells the Soft Cups.  I am planning on trying them out for the first time tonight and I'm very nervous about them.  They seem like they will take some getting used to when it comes to inserting them and removing them, so hopefully it won't turn out to be as bad as I anticipate and they'll work great for me.  The longer I can keep DH's little soldiers close to home base the better! *wink*
Today I am 5days til Ovulation, so this is a good day to try to make a baby, seeing sperm can survive in the uterus for 5days. It's best to have as much sperm, hanging out in my uterus, as I can gather when O makes her appearance.   Also, it is said that girl spermies swim slower and last longer, while boys swim faster and don't last as long, so when you BD further away from O, you're more likely to conceive a girl!  So, tonight, I'm trying for a GIRL!  Can you imagine ME with a GIRL??!!  I'm not sure I can, but I would sure love to!  The saga continues....

And the Fertile Window Craziness has begun...

So, instead of waiting til today (Monday), like I said I would, to start using my OPK's for this cycle, I decided to use one last night (late, around 10pm).  I had checked my CP and thought it seemed fairly open, then I got a little EWCM, so figured, what the heck, I'll go ahead and use one.  Well, guess what I should see to my shock and amazement, but a very clear, and strong +!  GREAT, so here we go!...According to my last 2 cycles, I am not due to actually O til Sun./Mon., a whole week away!  Last cycle I got, what looked to be, but not as strong as last nights, a + on CD11.  I actually O'ed (confirmed with BBT) on CD21, so 10 days way to early to be getting anything close to a +.  I continued testing that week and they did go back to negative then geared up to positive up to CD21, getting a true + on CD20. 

Yesterday was CD14 and expected O is CD21, so a + one week early?  Why is this happening, I have no idea! But, I do have a theory... I'm wondering if my body is trying to O, according to a normal 28day cycle, but for some reason, it's not happening and then a week later I finally do. (?)  So, far, that is appearing to be the case.  As far as last night's + OPK, I'm unsure as to whether to take it as a fluke or truth yet.  My temp did go up this morning, but not drastically or even PostO temp worthy.  If my temp rises significantly tomorrow morning, I can only assume I O'ed a week early. Good grief, I hope not!  We did BD CD12 & CD14, but I was planning on a whole lot more than that.  If my theory is correct and I can expect these kind of flukes, which only time will tell, then I should still be on schedule for my O at the end of the week and can still count on my plan.

I'm going to use another OPK tonight, but really my temp will tell the story in the morning.  So, until I know any different the "May Plan" is still in effect.  I have decided to forgo the pineapple and just use the baby aspirin instead, it just seems easier and supposedly they function the same, as a blood thinner, good for implantation. 

And let me just add, with all this OPK craziness, I am SO EXTREMELY glad I am temping! I would be SO lost, if not!  Can you imagine?! I would have believed I O'ed when I hadn't and possibly missed my true O timing!  Oh the Horror of a thought!  Stay tuned for more TTC fun! LOL!



Pic of my Early OPK positive on CD14, now is that confusing or what?!



Gearing up for another Fertile Window!

Fertile Windows: Take an eternity to open up;  and have to ability to Rock your World completely; they can be filled with excitement, anticipation, perseverance, dedication, Lot's of OPK testing, CM & CP checking, and of course Baby Dancing!  This is the time when Hope is at it's highest; the moment of the Roller Coaster when you're making the slow approach UP, hands in the air, belly full of butterflies, ready to throw all caution to the wind. Your daydreams are filled with visions of a pregnant belly and delivery 9months later, and your night-time dreams are filled with the visions a baby you've haven't met yet. 

This is what my next week will be like.  Monday I will begin using my OPK's and Tuesday I will commence the BDing.  Haven't decided yet whether I want to pick up the Instead Cup and give that a whirl this cycle.  May go check em out and see how much they are.  It's always fun and exciting to add a new "tool" to your TTC tool belt, you never know which one will do the trick or maybe it will be a combination of all of your tools.  The most important ingredient to making a baby is the Holy Spirit, without Him it is impossible, but with Him ALL things are possible!  I pray THIS is my time and Father will allow my womb to open once again and be filled with New Life!

Praying May will bring New Life in the New Year!!

=

Mothers Day Blues

Feeling really sad this Mother's Day.  I wonder if I'll ever get to the point where I don't think about the MC as often or count how far long I should be.  The harsh reality is I fear I will have to endure this sadness forever, well, as long as I dwell here on this earth.  I'm filled with mixed emotions today, Anger, because my little one was taken from me too soon. As horrible as it is to say, yes, anger, towards my Heavenly Abba.  Why did He allow this to happen?  Didn't He know how excited I was?  Did I deserve to have such an evil trick played on me, to have a baby dangled in front of me and then taken away?  I know all of these thoughts are lies from the enemy, who would love more than anything for me to be angry with my Father, to cause our relationship to falter.  But, If I'm not honest with myself about these thoughts I could never recognize them for what they are and choose to renew my thinking.  On the flip side, I know my Father loves me more than anyone every could and does not desire to hurt His Children, especially those crying out for His Will to be done in their lives. I have to convince myself that He has my best interests at heart and the pregnancy was just not a viable one that would've ended in tragedy either way, which in that case, I'm thankful to Him that it ended sooner rather than later.  This internal struggle was intense the days following the MC and I had thought I dealt with it and had come to a peace about it, but I guess some of it is still lingering.  Not only do I still have anger, but of course an immense saddens, a sadness that only an empty and longing womb can bring.  Will my womb ever be filled with new life again?  Has it been closed up forever?  These are questions that haunt me, questions that only time can answer.  And even if I could know the answer for sure, would I accept it?  I bottle these emotions up and deal with them silently, what else can I do? Even if I screamed them from the rooftop and was surrounded by emotional support it would not bring the healing within that I need.  Only my Heavenly Father can bring the comfort and healing and peace that I need.  And only I can allow Him to do that.  I desire happiness again, joy, expectancy, confidence in myself, that I'm where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I feel lost, direction-less, stagnant. And very lonely at times.  When will things change, when will I change, when will life make sense again?

The "May" Plan

I am on CD4, AF's fury is calming and I'm gathering my thoughts and plans for my next fertile window.  My next fertile window will begin in 12 days with EOD 19 days away, which would make one whole week of TTC Fun! :-)  Okay, so here's the plan:

Monday, May 16th: Begin using OPK's
Tuesday, May 17th: OPK/ Begin DTD every other night til O weekend
Wednesday, May 18th: OPK
Thursday, May 19th: OPK/ DTD
Friday, May 20th: OPK
Saturday, May 21st: OPK/DTD/Start Mucinex to get the juices flowing :-)
Sunday, May 22nd: OPK/DTD/Mucinex/Preseed (if needed)
Monday, May 23rd: If I did not O on Sun....OPK/DTD (if I'm lucky)..if I do not O til this day I will likely skip DTD on Sunday and DTD on Monday instead.

This plan should be more than efficient for eggie to meet spermie, NOW whether they will successfully make a love connection is not in my hands...so keeping my fingers crossed and prayers lifted for a BFP in May!
*Interesting little tidbit found at www.justmommies.com* My best chance of conceiving a girl will be on Tuesday & Thursday.  My best chance of conceiving a boy will be on Saturday-Monday.
~PINK or BLUE...I WANT YOU~

AF Update!

I'm happy to say...AF did not let me down today, she showed up!! YAY!  I'm already so excited to be able to take another crack at my Rainbow this month!  My EOD: 5/20-21.  Now, I can sit back and relax while I wait for my next fertile window to open up...*Big Sigh of Relief*ahhhhhh....

Stay tuned for all the May Drama as it unfolds...

Baby Dust to Me!!

AF where are you!?!

Okay this is getting annoying now!  Here I am, Not Pregnant, and waiting around for AF to show and she's late!  WTH?  This is really upsetting the balance of the force, I mean my charts.  Now granted, I only have two full charts under my belt at this point, last cycle (March) and this cycle (April, which will be completed once you know who shows up), so I still don't have a whole lot of charting to go by, especially considering the fact that last cycle's LP count was messed up thanks to me being in the hospital and missing two crucial temps.  But, even then, my LP for last cycle could not exceed 14days.  Well, today is day 14, so that means if AF doesn't show today my LP's won't match, which I'm pretty sure is impossible.  Needless to say, this ticks me off royally, cause I spend so much time and effort on doing these dumb charts, so if they're not going to be accurate it's pointless to even do them!  Can I get a big "UGH!"?  HOPEFULLY, I'm jumping the gun on the LP issue and AF will show before the day's over.  The sooner AF comes and goes the sooner I can get on with TTC!
I have signs of AF, but no blood!  My bb's have started to become somewhat sore, I'm feeling very light cramping and I had a huge temp drop, below my coverline, this morning, which all add up to AF....so where is she???  If anyone sees her, could you please tell her to come on already, Rachel is, not so patiently, waiting for her?!!