Reaching for my Rainbow

I heard a cute little saying recently from heartbroken meant to be mommies, the phrase is "I'm praying for my Rainbow Baby".  I had to inquire of them what that meant.  I was told because after every storm comes a Rainbow. In life there are personal storms that we go through, but no matter how rough that storm may get we have hope because we know that all storms come to an end and at the end is where we find our beautiful sky filled with the most brilliant Rainbows.  You see, these women had experienced one of the worst storms a mother could ever experience, the loss of a child.  A child they had never met in person, but very much alive and growing within them, forming and molding into the little person they would soon become.  A child that they had longed for and had finally become a reality.  A child they had already fallen in love with and pictured a life filled with.  For reasons, unknown and inconceivable to the human pysche this precious child was taken from them in an instant, through a miscarriage.  The pain and sorrow of a miscarriage is all too familiar to a majority of women, I for one was immune to this storm, or so I thought.  Having had 3 precious blessings in my 20's, without even trying, the threat of a miscarriage never entered my mind.  That was something that happened to other women, not me.  Oh how shocked and saddened I was to experience this storm for myself in my 30's.  I so love my babies and would gladly receive all the babies my Heavenly Father would bestow upon me.  My heart and womb are open and willing and always have been.  So, why?  Why is a hard question to live with, even harder when you know it will never be answered.  Coming to terms with the unanswered questions and moving on in the midst of them is not an easy thing to do.  Life is such a blessing and Death feels like such a curse.  I had joined the majority and distraught women who will always feel like a piece of them is missing.  Once the rains begin to cease and the noise of the thunder is only heard in the distance you can begin to hear the still, small voice comforting and instilling a new hope within, a hope for the future, a bright one, one that someday may include your Rainbow.  And surely as the clouds pass and the sunlight breaks through, you feel the peaceful, warmth on your face, as you take a deep breath and know that everything will be alright.  I have been through this storm and it was tumultuous, but the hope that the new day brought was comforting and wind beneath my broken down wings.  My heart is still filled with hope and my womb is still filled with desire.  I still believe my Elohim hears, knows, sees, delivers, protects, guides, keeps, provides for, and loves me more than anyone could.  So, even though my steps are filled with faith and my hands are steady reaching for my Rainbow, my Wants and Will lie in His Caring Hands.