TTC Journey Update

Since my MC in Jan. 2011 I have been charting and am now in the middle of my 2nd cycle.  My 1st cycle post MC (Feb) was quite eventful.  I had a very unusual period, well periods, one in the beginning and another one about a week later.  I did Ovulate during that cycle but was unable to BD (Baby Dance) properly because I was hospitalized during my two Peak, or most fertile, days.  Not to mention I also had a lovely yeast infection in the beginning of my cycle as well.  Let's just say I was a mess and so was my chart.  Thankfully, I've moved on to my 2nd cycle which has been more normal for me.  My chart is looking pretty sweet and I'm enjoying being able to look over it, and get a good idea of what is happening with me.  I have just ovulated and am hoping my BDing filled weekend has paid off, but won't know for sure til testing time, about 2 weeks from now (this is called the 2WW-2 week wait, which can feel more like an eternity). 

I am so grateful for all of the knowledge I have acquired and am still acquiring since having the MC.  Literally, a whole new world has opened up to me, one I've never ventured into before, it's called the World of Trying to Conceive (TTC)!  I've made many new friends in this place and it has been refreshing to have their company along the way.  I have learned more about my body and my reproductive system in 2 months than I have ever known in my 33 years of life!  I mean, who knew it was normal to have a cycle length that wasn't the standard 28 days!? Many, probably, but not me!  Good thing I know this too, because I don't have the standard 28 day cycle!  I have come to find out my cycles range more around the 33 day mark, which puts my fertile window at a totally different time that I would have been prepared for had I not known all of this.  Just knowing this little bit about your body is empowering, but wait there's more, so much more!  First, there's the whole learning about what goes on within your body during a typical cycle, the hormones that fluctuate, the follicles that work to release the egg, the journey the egg takes, the beautiful act of when sperm meets egg and the journey they take together, and again the HORMONES. It is all so intricate and perfect, the wonders of the human body!  Then, there's what takes place externally during what is taking place internally, the temperature shifts, the cervical mucus and position, all telling signs of what you are experiencing and what to expect.  Once, you learn to chart these signs then you are on the road to fully understanding your cycles and getting to know yourself like never before. 

Because this is only my 2nd cycle and I'm still in the beginning stages of getting to know how I work, I've learned much from just the 1st to the 2nd.  I have even started incorporating some helpful tools in the process.  This fertile window I introduced OPK's (Ovulation Predictor Kits), and boy have they been a hoot!  They definitely take some getting used too and require a trained eye when it comes to reading them, or they can be confusing.  I was happy, after many days of negatives, to finally receive positive readings this past Sat. & Sun.  I also used Mucinex this cycle to increase my CM, which it did very well Friday night, in fact maybe a little too well, I think it got all my EWCM out at once cause I was barely wet the next two nights.  But, thanks to the PreSeed, I did not have to remain barely wet the rest of the weekend *insert happy face here*.  I was so sure, based on all my signs, and last cycle, I O'ed Sunday, and I may have, but my temps were not reflecting it this morning, instead they have not risen and I got a negative on OPK.  SMH.  So, all I can do is hope my temps rise in the morning and hope that the weekend was enough to catch my Rainbow. KMFX!

Reaching for my Rainbow

I heard a cute little saying recently from heartbroken meant to be mommies, the phrase is "I'm praying for my Rainbow Baby".  I had to inquire of them what that meant.  I was told because after every storm comes a Rainbow. In life there are personal storms that we go through, but no matter how rough that storm may get we have hope because we know that all storms come to an end and at the end is where we find our beautiful sky filled with the most brilliant Rainbows.  You see, these women had experienced one of the worst storms a mother could ever experience, the loss of a child.  A child they had never met in person, but very much alive and growing within them, forming and molding into the little person they would soon become.  A child that they had longed for and had finally become a reality.  A child they had already fallen in love with and pictured a life filled with.  For reasons, unknown and inconceivable to the human pysche this precious child was taken from them in an instant, through a miscarriage.  The pain and sorrow of a miscarriage is all too familiar to a majority of women, I for one was immune to this storm, or so I thought.  Having had 3 precious blessings in my 20's, without even trying, the threat of a miscarriage never entered my mind.  That was something that happened to other women, not me.  Oh how shocked and saddened I was to experience this storm for myself in my 30's.  I so love my babies and would gladly receive all the babies my Heavenly Father would bestow upon me.  My heart and womb are open and willing and always have been.  So, why?  Why is a hard question to live with, even harder when you know it will never be answered.  Coming to terms with the unanswered questions and moving on in the midst of them is not an easy thing to do.  Life is such a blessing and Death feels like such a curse.  I had joined the majority and distraught women who will always feel like a piece of them is missing.  Once the rains begin to cease and the noise of the thunder is only heard in the distance you can begin to hear the still, small voice comforting and instilling a new hope within, a hope for the future, a bright one, one that someday may include your Rainbow.  And surely as the clouds pass and the sunlight breaks through, you feel the peaceful, warmth on your face, as you take a deep breath and know that everything will be alright.  I have been through this storm and it was tumultuous, but the hope that the new day brought was comforting and wind beneath my broken down wings.  My heart is still filled with hope and my womb is still filled with desire.  I still believe my Elohim hears, knows, sees, delivers, protects, guides, keeps, provides for, and loves me more than anyone could.  So, even though my steps are filled with faith and my hands are steady reaching for my Rainbow, my Wants and Will lie in His Caring Hands.